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... is a quick tip ezine for Managers who believe in "Results Derived from Within"
Written by: Vickie Bevenour
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Coach Vickie Bevenour
Using your Boundaries for Success
As promised last month, we are going to talk about getting the results that you want by using coaching techniques. Let’s begin by talking about our first coaching technique, setting your boundaries.
What are boundaries? Boundaries are imaginary lines that we establish around ourselves to protect from and to attract certain things (people, situations or results). Why are boundaries important? One word, stress! Have you ever said “yes” to something only to walk away and wish that you have said “no”? How many times as a manager, have you gotten beaten up when you said “no” or had people not hear you (respect you?) and walk all over you? And what about the person who always has a project/customer initiative that is different and needs to be handles outside of the rules/process? How do you say no? You ask the right questions!
It seems so counter intuitive, but the best way to get people to hear you is to ask them to talk. By asking the right questions, you can help guide them down a path where they discover the answer for themselves and then can finally “hear” what you have to say. This sounds so simple, but it is an extremely difficult skill to learn, much less perfect. Since this is so difficult, I suggest to my clients that they always ask the questions beginning with the word “WHAT”. This de-personalizes the response. It is a standard format for open ended questions which leads to discovery. You can still use it to drive towards specificity. And best of all, by being open ended, you might just hear a new idea, or learn something new.
So this is the challenge. Have a 5 minute conversation with a friend and start every sentence with the word “what”. Explain to the friend up front that you are practicing and ask them to try to make it as “real” a conversation as possible. Here are some examples:
What is the goal?
What are you trying to accomplish?
What do you personally want to see happen?
What does the goal look like when it is accomplished?
What does success look like?
What would be another way that we can accomplish the same thing?
What is an alternative that would accomplish more than half of what we are looking for?
What would be a third alternative where we would both win?
What would be the impact to your business if your behavior would embrace your boundaries in all aspects of your life? If you use your questioning skill to enforce your boundaries to help you say no, you will be able to say YES to the things in your life that are really important to you. This will help you reduce stress and get better results.
Congratulations, you are taking the first step to deriving results from within.
If you like the tip, let us know but more important, share it with a friend or colleague. As always, YOUR SUCCESS IS MY GREATEST PLEASURE.